No matter what happens in life, time passes us by. Even though life events can be traumatic, grueling or heart-breaking, it seems like the passage of time goes by faster than we think it possibly can. At this time, it is hard for me because at this same time last year, my family and I had made a decision to let my dad off of life-support after he suffered a massive heart attack, leaving him with little-to-no higher brain function. There are some things that get deeply etched in to your thoughts and memories; for me, the memory of my dad on life-support is completely ingrained into my mind. To remember how his body looked as the ventilator did the most basic function for him, breathing, still disturbs me because of the unnaturalness of it. To remember the feelings and emotional expressions of my mom, my sister, my two brothers, and my half-brother as we all crowded around my dad's hospital bed still brings up a deep felt sadness that some days I don't feel as deeply as today. As redundant as it is for a Mormon girl to state, "I can find comfort in the knowledge that I WILL see my dad again" makes me realize that my dad's death was and is a testimony builder for me; cliche or not. It makes me realize that I do have a choice: to continue my progression of moving forward as my dad and my Heavenly Father want me to, or become bound and imprisoned by sorrow and grief. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of sorrow and grief, but I realized I am in charge and I can choose to take the attitude that I can do hard things and I can learn from this experience. Thich Nhat Hanh states that "A life that is too comfortable will make spiritual growth difficult." This experience has taken me out of my too-comfortable life. I need this spiritual growth. I love you Dad and miss you a great deal. I truly hope that you and others that have passed-on before us are praying for those you left here on Earth; that us mortals may be able to "grow-up" spiritually!
6 years ago